(VastDerp Seriousness Warning: I’m pausing the joke replies for a second because this is important.)
Yes actually, I have thought about killing myself—as recently as this week. Suicide is a major risk for people like me who struggle with bipolar illness. I myself have been trying to stave off severe suicidal depression since October 2013, trying not to admit it’s gotten that bad, trying not to be too gloomy where other people can see, because making people worry only makes the depression worse and hurts more, trying to kid away the pain.
But yes, the thought is there.
It’s always there, waiting to be triggered by the internal voice in my head that sounds pretty much exactly like you sounded when you and four other people encouraged me to kill myself within the space of an hour.
But the weirdest thing happened just now: I decided not to.
I didn’t expect that the literal evil of Tumblr social justice could inspire me in this way, but thank you for getting the exact opposite result to the one you were hoping for when you told someone to commit suicide.
I can’t guarantee spite will get me over the next day, let alone the next decade, but right now I’m pretty much devoted to living to 190 and watching your graves pissed on by ducks.
Is that harsh? Go ahead and take all the time you need to come up with a burn sick enough to top it.
Because get this, you evil, despicable rectum of a human being, I just won at life.
I have a strong objection to the terminology in this post. The rectum may not be glorious, but it serves an important function in a healthy human body. Your metaphorical usage is thus inappropriate.